Being a single father

[michael_madden]

It's really great being a parent at the age of 22 but when it come to breaking up with a g.f just 4 months into pregnancy it really hurts my ex g.f. had our baby on sept. 1 and never told me about it. i was the last to find out it was really devestating hopefully in the future her and i will be together again. http://www.onlinesingleparents.com/forums/images/smilies/frown.gif

[Chris]

Michael

I'm sorry to hear about your ex not telling you about your baby . Congrats on being Father !!!!! The older I get the bigger my mouth gets and the stronger my opinions get also ( when did this happen ). So take this for what ever it's worth to you . I've seen alot of couples " get back together " for the children , and I must say , 99% of the time things get worse . Things can get ugly and the children get to witness it or get dragged into the middle of it . It'll be hard to not be with your child everyday but it's possible to make life worse for all of you , if you go rushing back to her thinking the baby will make " a happy family ". I'm not against you getting back with your ex but please think long and hard about the decisions you make for the sake of the baby . With that being said , I wish you all the luck and happyness that being a father will provide .

Chris

[Penny]

Wow I hope it works out for you Every baby needs a father

[michael_madden]

i'm just about to start legal proceedings i have to see a family lawyer this wednesday my ex doesn't know yet, and i'm not going to tell her, because she's being immature. so she doesn't deserve to know it'll be a big surprise to her.

[Heaterman]

How did that work out

[Penny]

Please let us know

[XERICOBVIOUSX]

HEy i feel for ya man only my situation is just the opposite she left me at 3 months preg. Crap part about this is im absolutly in love with her and miss the crap out of her. she wanted space I left the state (i think thats enough space) but the wierd part is girls i know that ive talked to did the same thing to the guys around 3-4 months preg odd. but i have the hope that things will work with us We've both been through the seperate parents thing with our folks and we said we werent going to do that to our kid so i dunno what to do at this point

[Penny]

good post Xerico

[wanderbaby]

It's really great being a parent at the age of 22 but when it come to breaking up with a g.f just 4 months into pregnancy it really hurts my ex g.f. had our baby on sept. 1 and never told me about it. i was the last to find out it was really devestating hopefully in the future her and i will be together again. http://www.onlinesingleparents.com/forums/images/smilies/frown.gif

would you really want to be with someone who kept this from you?

Coming from a woman who was pregnant, I had the selfish hormone, I didn't want to share my baby with my ex. IT's simliar story to yours, I dated my ex for a month when I found out I was pregnant, then we fought too much, 2 months later I broke up. He moved out and went back to live 2 hours away where his hometown is. He swore he would get involved thruout my pregnancy, but towards the end, he decided to walk away without wanting a dna, he considered her to be all mine. But thru the pregnancy, I didn't want him involved mostly because I felt he was in doubt of this baby being his, he was a freeloader who never helped with rent/bills. He never seem to care how I was doing. Another big issue was his passiveness, I didn't want his gf to influence him on raising my daughter, which I highly think he will since he's a pushover. And I was right, because he had a gf at the time when he walked away, see half an hour before he decided he wanted to walk away he was talking about wanting to get involved.

[hotmamaof3]

i feel the same way. would you really want to be with someone who did this to you? with me, my youngest is bye a guy that i took care of. after finding out that i was prego, he told me that he was married. how could this be after all, he was living with me for two months. i contacted his wife, who in return, told me that he denies ever being with me. i wanted him to be involved but he was never around. hes been telling everyone at work that she isnt his and that she is his best friends. he has never been there or helped me when i needed it. :tantrum: so i completely understand the whole thing. with this guy he wanted a dna but when i asked him to come to the hospital, he said he was too busy. what do you think that i should have done??

[Penny]

Totally unreal

[Lena]

There are quite afew single fathers, and we do forget about them!
They also do a fantastic job being mum and dad!
Are there any single Dads out there who would like to share their experiences with us?

[briano06]

I just joined the forum today. My ex-wife left me and my children about 6 yrs. ago. She got involved with cocaine and another man. She left my 2 boys at ages 1 & 1/2 and 3 months old- she only breast-fed the youngest for a month and left, and moved in with the guy she left us for. I tried for awhile to try to work out the situation with her but finally decided to get a divorce. She showed up late after the custody hearing and didn't show up at all for the final hearing. She lived less than 3 miles away and saw the boys only twice for about an hour at a time in a year in a half. Then I decided to move away to another state at which she attempted to get custody back from me. I won the case. I had six witnesses to back me up- she had no one. I moved out of state for over 2 years but have moved back to live here (ohio) to take care of my father who has cancer. In the past 4 & 1\2 years she has rarely spoken to the children and they have stayed with her once. (in fact, I called her up and spoke to her about not calling them for Thanksgiving and her reply was "what's so special about Thanksgiving and your the one who should call me.") Also her family has called me every year except this year to come to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at their house and she was never invited. My oldest son turned 7 in November and she showed up for his birthday party for 2 hours. And now she wants them for Christmas 6 years later.Oh!, and I forgot to tell you that the man she left me for was a fugitive for 3 years and they are still together now. So she had been knowingly harbouring a fugitive for 3 years. And she told me also that the law had questioned him a prior time about drugs and drug dealers he had known and she said he wouldn't say anything to the cops because he was afraid to get killed. He also hasn't worked for the past 4 years--so she has to provide for everything. And her mother has full custody of her daughter. I haven't recieved any child support from her for over 6 months-- and she owes me over $6,000 in back support. Now she thinks all of the sudden she can get the children for Christmas. I spoke to my lawyer who reminded me she didn't take a drug test that she was required to take after 60 days of the hearing, and she has to provide proof that he is currently not a fugitive with the law. I am not letting her take them to her home because I don't know if they could be harmed by him, her, or one of their friends. Her mother won't even let her take her daughter to to her house. Oh!, and also my ex- wife at one time was labeled bi-polar, then another time psychotic/schizophrenic and in the past 4 years has attempted suicide 3 times. So that is my story as a single father and my current situatuion with my ex. I am trying to get her to give me split custody with my parents (so she would have no rights) so if anything would happen to me I know they would be in safe hands with my family. It is very hard as a single father sometimes because people don't take you seriously. To all the other single fathers out there, hang on-- it will get better. I know personally one day I will have a wonderful, beautiful, and faithful wife who loves me and wants to be a mother to my children. And one day I will be extremely wealthy. This is just a stepping stone for me that has made me stronger.... and you guys should also look at your situations as so....it will get better....

[Lena]

I just joined the forum today. My ex-wife left me and my children about 6 yrs. ago. She got involved with cocaine and another man. She left my 2 boys at ages 1 & 1/2 and 3 months old- she only breast-fed the youngest for a month and left, and moved in with the guy she left us for. I tried for awhile to try to work out the situation with her but finally decided to get a divorce. She showed up late after the custody hearing and didn't show up at all for
....................................
This is just a stepping stone for me that has made me stronger.... and you guys should also look at your situations as so....it will get better....
Thank you Brian for sharing with us!
I am glad you are doing so well, and your way of thinking of the present and future is wonderful! I am just so sorry that you had to go through all that first!
yes all this is just a stepping stone, an experience to make you stronger and prepare your life with your lovely children, who are your future!
You are also right not to trust your children at your ex's house without you, especially when you don't feel comfortable with it!
Do what your heart and mind tells you! And what you are comfortable with!
Good luck with everything and thanks again for sharing and encouraging the other single dads too!
Please keep coming in and letting us know how you and your children are doing!

[briano06]

Update: I let my ex-wife see the kids at her mother's house for a few hours, but I would not let my ex-wife pick them up. I told my ex- mother-in-law that either she or I could take them and pick them up. So I took my mother with me (that way I have a witness with me)and the boys and dropped them off at my ex-mother-in-law's house.

I picked them up a few hours later. My ex-wife was there with the guy she left me for,she was in the other room though I couldn't see her which was great.She was mad at me because of I wouldn't let her pick the boys up,but I think she is even more upset that she can't manipulate me anymore.

I don't know if this bothers anyone else, but what irritates me is that even thru all the crap she has but me thru, hearing her voice brought those feelings I had for her when we were married, and the depressing feelings also hit. Am I the only one that goes thru this and wondering why, even though you know they don't give a damn about you or your children, you feel this way?

Why would I want anything to do with someone like that? Maybe I haven't had a chance for closure, I truely have been non-stop raising my children and I feel so far out of the loop, and even struggle with knowing how to respond to a woman who is interested in me, maybe part of me still fears rejection.

It's odd, I know that things will get much better...as I have said before, I know there is some wonderful woman who loves me and my children... but it seems like these damn emotions pop up every time I see our hear her speak.... and sadly she is the most self-centered slut I have ever met in my life....what's so funny even her friends whom i also know tell me they don't like her either....especially the way she has treated her children.

Oh!, and get this my oldest son told her that I told he and his brother that I was looking for a new mommy for them who loved them, and her response was the ever classic "no matter what anyone says to you, mommy always loves you". What a cop out--why first don't you explain to them why you haven't spent Thanksgiving or Christmas with them in the past 6 years, and why you were to busy snorting drugs up your nose and explain to them why you put another man before them. Explain to them why you never call them.Yet you call yourself a mother. Excuse me, but their "mother" died 6 years ago, in my opinion....because that is all you have made yourself to them...a dead selfish bitch who only is concerned with using anyone she can for her own personal gain.

Hell, even at one time she called to tell me that she wouldn't be able to speak to the boys because her boyfriend had an absessed tooth and she would be taking care of him, yet she didn't just go ahead and speak to the boys, even though they were standing right beside me. And why in the world do I feel something for this psychopath? Am I more psychotic than her for that?

And I know most people's response is-- you need to get laid--but call me old fashioned, but I am tired of one night stands, and I want some substance in a relationship...and I know that sounds odd coming from a man...but I really am to the point where I want to settle down and just be a family,yeah, and sex is a BIG part of the package and I definitely WANT it....but the best thing is loving each other and then sex doesn't just become meaningless........I don't know what the hell is wrong with me some days...


Is there anyone else out there who has dealt with what I am currently going thru....or am I just the lone wierdo on this sight...


Oh!, and by the way, why aren't more people posting things on this sight....
to me it looks like it's few and far between... it seems we have enough members out there....we need to keep each other updated on things so we can help each other out as much as we can.....alright, I'm starting to sound like a bitching woman....maybe I just need to get laid....

[Lena]

Thanks Brian for the update!

It is always good that you do things the way you feel most comfortable with!
Gives you a peace of mind too!
It is also understandable that you may feel that old feeling you had for her all that time ago, there must have been something there in the frist place for you to be together!
Then as you said, along also comes that depressing feeling too, to hit you back to the real life right now!!
You are doing a fantastic job with your children!

One night stands aren't really very loving, probably why I couldn't deal with them! A loving relationship would be so much better! Someone you can talk with and rely on for whatever it is you are looking for!

Yes I wish more people would come in and post more!
Other people's experiences may help someone, we never know!

[Jazzy]

It's hard, isn't it, when you share so much history with another person, especially when you are raising a child together, and are now living seperate lives. It's natural to feel comfortable with them, and forget all the bad blood between you, even just for a night.